Tree Logic

To start most cars, you turn the key and the engine roars to life.  To an Amazonian tribesman, this would look like magic.  But under the hood there are hundreds of moving parts and processes working in harmony to make the successful starting of the car’s engine possible.

The turning of the key starts a series of processes that can be broken down into a logical order.  First this happens causing that to happen.  And that causes the next thing to happen.  

Tip the first in a row of dominoes and the rest will fall. Could your choices and actions be broken down as simply as this?   

Understanding the logical order of events that occur to produce your reactions in life could provide insight for transforming the results you achieve.

Circumstances seem to turn the key.  There are millions of bits of information to be perceived in any moment.  But the only ones that get our conscious attention are those that we perceive as important. When a circumstance occurs as important, it is compared to what we have already decided about similar circumstances in the past. 

What have you decided about trees for example?  Trees provide shade.  Trees have leaves.  Trees can be climbed.  Trees can be used for firewood.  Trees are beautiful.  Some trees have edible fruit.  Trees can provide lumber for building things.  Trees are tall.  Trees behave predictably.  They usually stand around harmlessly. 

Curiosity drives the accumulation of knowledge.  Once you are finished making all of your decisions about trees, you don’t have to think about trees any more.  You know about trees.  There is no more need for curiosity.  All of that “knowledge” is filed away in a box in your subconscious.  Now, most of the time you don’t even notice trees.   You don’t have to.  You’ve already figured them out.  Your conscious attention is no longer required.  Trees are neither a threat or an opportunity.  “Tree” is now a concept. 

Until one falls over and crushes your car.  Suddenly tree is no longer a word that represents all you have decided about it.  Now it is on your car and your life is affected by it.  Tree is part of a circumstance that has your attention.   In fact, you will never think of trees the same again.  Trees have leaves.  Sometimes they fall on your car.

When something happens to get your attention you react to it.  You may not be aware that you react to it.  But just as the turning key starts the car whether you understand why it starts your car or not, circumstances cause you to react.

The circumstance occurs and gets your attention.  You interpret the circumstance and automatically give it meaning based on what you have decided about similar circumstances in the past.   That interpretation occurs as thoughts and judgments about the circumstance.  Your body reacts to your thoughts and judgments.   Your body’s reaction is the physical and energetic response to the meaning you have given the circumstance.  You take action or avoid action according to how your interpretation makes you feel.   And that re-action produces results in the world. 

When this process occurs and creates undesired results, most of us try to control the circumstance.   Just as the key seems to start the car, the circumstance seems to cause the result.  But a key has no power to make anything happen until it is placed in the ignition and turned.  If the ignition were not wired to a mechanism that fires the motor, the key would have no impact.   Circumstance must be wired to meaning before they can get your attention.

Most circumstances are out of your control.  Try to stop that tree from falling on your car and see what happens.  However, the meaning or interpretation you give to a circumstance is within your control.   

By bringing attention to your interpretations of circumstances, you can change the results that you get.

• Circumstances occur.
• We attach meaning to the circumstance.
• We experience physical sensations in response to the meaning we have attached to the circumstance.
• We react to those physical sensations: we act or avoid acting based on how we feel.
• Our actions have an impact on our environment.  Results are the automatic and predictable consequence to this chain of events.

In reverse order:

• We get what we get in life.  Results happen
• because we do what we do or don’t do what we don’t do.  We act
• because we feel what we feel.  We feel
• because we think what we think.  We think
• because we believe what we believe.

Circumstances have no meaning until we give them meaning based on what we believe.  A belief is what we previously decided about something the circumstance reminds us of.

By getting curious again and taking a fresh and open look at trees we can actually experience a tree. 

 And in that moment of presence and conscious awareness, we may see with fresh eyes and an open mind what we have never seen.

The label on the box is “Tree.”   Inside the box is everything that you have decided about trees.  And this is as it should be.  That’s how your brain works.  If it didn’t work that way you would be too busy falling in love with that tree in front of you to notice the saber tooth tiger who is about to have you for dinner.   

If your career is problematic, find the box labeled, “Work” or "Career".  Open it up and get curious again.  Take a look at what you decided about work before you sealed the box and stored it away in your subconscious. Use your curiosity to take a fresh look.  Before you seal the box back up, be sure that you get rid of anything that isn’t true and accurate.

If what you have decided about “work” or “money” or “marriage” or any other box in your storage unit has you reacting in a way that produces problematic results, it’s time to get curious again.  Make sure that everything in the box makes sense and matches current reality.  If it doesn’t, get rid of it.  If it isn’t serving you why keep it?

Change the meaning that you give to
circumstances and you will change… what you think, what you feel, what you do, and what you get.

The Invisible Survival Shield

The Invisible Survival Shield

Projects are the entire foundational structure of my coaching.  Projects give us a way to measure progress.  And projects make invisible shields visible.  Let me explain.

Over a lifetime, we develop various shields to protect ourselves.  These shields are made up of thoughts such as judgments, interpretations, assumptions and meanings that are woven together.   We aren’t aware that we are creating these shields.   Our big brains are designed to create them for us automatically.

The number one job of the brain is to assure our survival.   And the brain does its job very efficiently in a variety of ways.  One way is to explain or to find meaning in what is happening in the environment and to determine if what is happening is dangerous or safe.   If we interpret the environment as safe, we relax and socialize, prepare, plan and provide for the future.  If we interpret the environment as dangerous and threatening, our brains do an excellent job of sending all available resources to those parts of the body that need them so that we can defend, retreat or get small or still enough to go unnoticed.

Once we have survived a threat in our environment, we learn from it so that we can avoid or be prepared for that threat if and when it shows up again.  We remember smells, images, and sensations that remind us of the threat and begin to respond automatically with strategies that have worked to avoid or cope with the threat.  These strategies are the tools that we use to survive.  These tools make up our survival mechanism which works very well.  Too well sometimes.

In today’s fast paced environment, it’s a challenge to keep up.   Internal alerts and alarms are constantly being triggered as life comes at us with blazing split second speed.  This can create a very high level of stress because the brain is almost constantly perceiving threats and responding with the tools it has developed to survive.  But we weren’t built to sustain this level of stress.  There is little or no recovery time.

So the very shield that was designed to protect us now begins to kill us.   Our bodies start breaking down from the perceived relentless assault of life.  Modern medicine to the rescue.  We have an entire “health” system driving a huge part of the economy to treat the symptoms of surviving our modern life.  It’s a crazy world but few of us slow down long enough to notice the crazy.   Like applying a piece of duct tape over a warning light on the dash of the car, we treat the symptoms of and keep driving and driving and driving to survive.

What does all of this have to do with projects? 

By identifying what it is that my clients want to accomplish in their lives, and by designing projects to achieve those accomplishments, there is an opportunity to expose their invisible survival shields.  The most natural thing to do when taking on a project is to use the tools we know how to use for success.  But if those tools were designed for survival, and if success means creating something new in life, the tools don’t fit the job.

These tools are the strategies that we developed in response to the perceived or real threats in our lives in order to assure survival.   And our perception is created by the shield.  The shield is made up of an accumulation of our thoughts; judgments, interpretations, meanings and assumptions about what is safe and not safe in our environment.  

When my clients use their survival strategies to achieve success in their projects, the limitations of those strategies become apparent.   At that point, my clients become “coach-able”.  In other words, they realize that what has gotten them this far will not take them further.  They become open and willing to challenging the thoughts that formed the shield.  When that happens, their mindset or perception shifts.

We think we are responding to reality as we view life through the shield of our beliefs and thoughts.  But what we are responding to is our beliefs and thoughts about what we see through the shield.  

By clearing away the woven layers of false and inaccurate judgments, interpretations, meanings and assumptions, clients begin to view reality more accurately.  With an unobstructed view of reality, they start making real progress.  They are now able to accomplish what seemed impossible through the lens of their Survival Shield©.

As a coach, my job is to make the invisible shield visible so that my clients can consciously take control of their lives.   Projects give us a way to measure progress.   And projects make invisible shields visible.

Uncertainty

I was just listening to a podcast yesterday while I ran called The Art of Charm.  It was a conversation with author Olivia Fox Cabane on The Science of Creativity and Genius.  She says that each of us have a threshold for uncertainty.  That once we have reached that threshold, we go to fight, flight or freeze.  

Check out the podcast.  https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/art-charm-confidence-relationship/id212382281?mt=2&i=340354310

The podcast I ran with this morning again addressed uncertainty from a different angle.  Civility and Doubt.  Often in a discussion when two people hold opposing views, one or both will become uncivil and aggressive.  I considered what I learned yesterday about uncertainty and how the brain responds – that the brain reacts to uncertainty in the same way that it reacts to pain; with an urgent directive to resolve it, creating a tension that won’t go away without resolution.  We want to be certain – confident.  And this works against us when we are certain or confident about things that aren’t certain.   When doubt is introduced, tension is created so that we want to defend what we hold as certain – even to the point of uncivil aggression.  This is why it is so hard to be open minded about those thoughts, ideas, values and principles that I hold dear.  It reminds me of the quote from the back of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous,

“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep man in everlasting ignorance.  That principle is contempt prior to investigation.”

Yet, when I become open minded, willing to consider the possibility that I have placed my confidence in a position that may not be accurate, the tension of uncertainty (aka curiosity) will serve me by inspiring investigation and inquiry until the uncertainty is replaced by insight and clarity.

One Plus One = Blue

One plus one is two.  Predictable.  One plus one = blue.  Not.   Not expected and it doesn’t fit into what we have accepted as the truth.  One plus one is blue doesn’t make any sense.  Things that don’t make sense slow us down.  Ain’t nobody got time for that.

We have all developed beliefs, rules and conditions about what does and doesn’t make sense so that life can be predictable.  That’s the way our brain works.  The brain’s job is to make sure that we survive.  It recognizes patterns and turns them into habits which are wired into the subconscious.  The brain makes mental habits out of thoughts that we repeatedly think, feeling habits out of feelings we repeatedly feel, and action habits out of the actions we repeatedly take.

Take money for example.   So many of us get upset around money because of the mental habits – the beliefs - that we have about it.   

• What does money mean to you?  
• What are your rules for money?  
• Are the rules for you the same as the rules for everyone else?   
• What do you think of people who have a lot of money?   
• Why do you have as much as you have?  

Your answers to these questions reveal some of your rules, conditions and beliefs about money.   Without changing these rules, conditions and beliefs, your money results won’t change. The same goes for time, relationships and business.

When our rules get broken, when our conditions are not met, and when our beliefs are challenged, it’s easy to get upset.  Upset is what happens when what is expected and predictable doesn’t happen.  So when you are upset, your brain is working perfectly.

Predictable is safe.  Safe is comfortable.  Until it's not.  Living life to be comfortable is the most natural thing to do.  It means reacting to life with predictable thoughts, predictable choices, predictable feelings, predictable actions and predictable results.  This works well until the results that are predictable are no longer acceptable or workable. 

Now there is a problem.  What has always worked in life doesn't seem to be working anymore.   Now our rules beliefs and conditions aren’t making things comfortable and it’s time to change them.  Not so fast.  Change is hard.  Change is uncomfortable.  Sometimes trying to change is so frustrating that we just decide we can live with the way things ares.  But now we have constant stress.  Let’s define stress as what happens when our addiction to comfort produces discomfort.

stress: when the addiction to comfort produces discomfort

Now let’s think about the words, possible and possibility.  Notice what happens when you begin to imagine something great for yourself or for your life that isn’t already in the realm of what is predictable, comfortable or expected.  You probably experience a mixture of thoughts and feelings.   You go car shopping and find a car that makes you feel like a million bucks and you get excited until you find out it will cost you a million bucks. Then you feel disappointed.  This yo-yo effect can make you nauseous.  It can make you stop dreaming. 

The unknown is where possibility lives.  Living in the unkown means living in possibility but to get there you have to travel light.   There’s really no room for baggage including fear, the past and what you think you know. 

Predictably, the unknown is unpredictable.  The unknown is uncomfortable until it becomes the new mental habit.  The unknown is full of the unexpected.  Unlike what is comfortable and predictable, the unknown is infinite.  The possibilities are endless.

Are you ready to get in the game?  What’s holding you back?   You can wait until what is predictable becomes unbearable or you can take the leap now.   One, Blue, Three,  JUMP!

Why is it so Hard to Change?

This is what I understand so far about the challenge of change.   As you read this, I suggest that you use your skepticism and do your own research to see if what I have been learning is accurate.   Also, check it against what you understand to see if it matches.   I don’t represent any of this as the truth, factual or scientific.

I do experiments in my own life (I think most of us do) but they aren’t controlled and don’t follow any strict scientific rules or processes.  I just love to read and learn and to apply what I read and learn to my own life to see if and how it works.

So please read this lightly and see if there is any value for you in the ideas.  Don’t believe me.  Check it out for yourself.

Habits, both good and bad, become habits when we do something over and over until our “animal” or unconscious brain recognizes the pattern and takes over gradually from our “human” or conscious brain (the prefrontal cortex).   The animal brain is similar to the brain that other animals have.  Part of its job is to improve our chances of survival by being efficient.  This part of the brain doesn’t have the ability to question or to be logical.  It just follows the programming or beliefs that we have assumed.

The conscious, human part of the brain gives us the ability to think about what we think about and to choose, plan, learn new things and focus.

If something happens that the animal part of our brain doesn’t recognize, there is an automatic survival response that sends all necessary resources to those parts of the body that need those resources to survive.   The animal brain recognizes things that are new and unfamiliar as threats and immediately shuts down higher functions and higher thinking like planning, learning, creating and wisdom to focus on how to survive the threat (perceived or real).

The body releases chemicals such as adrenalin, norepinephrine and cortisol so that we can run, fight or in some cases, play dead.

So what does any of this have to do with why it so hard to change?   Habits help us to become efficient.  When we try to change a habit, the new behavior is unfamiliar and we immediately feel uncomfortable because the animal part of our brain doesn’t recognize the pattern and perceives a threat.  But the longer we can keep up the changed behavior, the more comfortable the animal brain gets with the new behavior until the new behavior becomes automatic.  In this way we can form a new habit to replace a bad habit.

My Story

One of the best examples of this in my life is my old habit of drinking alcohol.   By the time I was 27 years old, drinking alcohol was a daily habit.   There was trouble in my marriage.   My wife had begun to associate with her new boss and his wife.   He had been a sober member of AA (aa.org) for 2 ½ years at that time and his wife had been a member of Alanon (al-anon.org).   My wife was beginning to realize that my drinking and the things that she did to compensate for my drinking were not normal, healthy or optimal for her happiness and the harmony of our family.

So I decided to stop drinking but found that it was really hard to do.  This confused me because I didn’t think I had a problem and I certainly didn’t think that I was addicted to alcohol.  My animal brain had recognized my daily drinking as a pattern years before and had made it automatic – made it a habit.  The most efficient thing for me to do was to drink alcohol every day.   What would have been highly inefficient would have been to use my human (conscious) brain to decide every day whether or not to drink alcohol.  

The first few weeks without a drink were very uncomfortable.   I experienced both physical and mental withdrawals because I was changing my behavior.  The only thing I knew to do to relieve this kind of discomfort was to drink more alcohol.  Fortunately, I had the support of AA and was beginning to form the new habit of being sober.  So since November 15, 1982, I haven’t practiced the alcohol drinking habit.  No need to knock on wood.  It wasn’t luck, fortune, weakness or morality that formed my drinking habit or my sobriety habit.   I was able to stop drinking because I didn’t put alcohol in my body long enough to create a new habit. 

Without alcohol in my life, an endless number of mental habits have been exposed.   I have gone through the same process to change those mental habits, one at a time.

My Brain is Doing What My Brain is Supposed to Do

I’m still learning about how this works in my life.   What is profoundly evident is that if I have formed a habit it just means that my brain is working the way it supposed to work.   And if I try to change a habit and my brain kicks into fight or flight, then that also means my brain is working the way it is supposed to work.   It’s just trying to be efficient so that I can survive.  There is nothing wrong.  The brain is doing its job.

To change behavior; to change a habit, I must consistently engage in the new behavior while disengaging from the old behavior. Since my automatic actions are the result of my feelings (I do what I do because I feel what I feel), it’s critical to manage my feelings.   Think of feelings as changes in the vibrations in my body.  Some of them feel good, familiar and comfortable and some of them feel bad, uncomfortable and foreign.  If changing felt good, change would be easy. 

My feelings are a reaction to what I think about what has happened

At first glance, it appears that I feel what I feel because of what happens around me.  Circumstances occur and I notice sometimes that those circumstances cause me to feel good or bad.  But when I slow things down to investigate, I realize that I have missed a step. I see that my feelings are a reaction to what I think about what has happened; what I think about what someone says or does.

The story that I tell myself about my life and what is happening in it causes the changes in the vibrations in my body (feelings).  Circumstances are reality and have no impact on my emotional state until I have thoughts, judgments and interpretations about them.  Circumstances don’t change how I feel until I make them mean something with my thoughts.

Thoughts determine what I do automatically and easily because of how they make me feel and what I do when I feel that way.   If I want to make a permanent change in my life it’s critical for me to realize;

· That if doing something new or different is uncomfortable it means that my brain is doing its job.  Its working just fine.  There is nothing wrong.

· My thoughts trigger feelings which determine my automatic and easy actions.

· That “I shouldn’t” or “can’t feel uncomfortable” are thoughts that result in resistance to the discomfort that naturally comes with change.  This resistance increases the discomfort of change.

· When doing something new or different, I can expect to feel uncomfortable.  Its normal and predictable.  As long as I can be with the discomfort without resistance, the discomfort will eventually pass and will happen less and less frequently as I practice the new habit.

· The resistance to feeling anything is what creates suffering.   If I can allow the discomfort of change, I can experience the discomfort as normal and predictable.  This makes change possible.

· It’s really, really hard to make changes without support.  When I am in fight or flight response, I forget all that I have learned about change.  I need the support of someone who is willing to collaborate for change with me.    It is critical that I find that support and develop that relationship before I need it.  I’m not likely to ask for support when I need it unless I establish it when I don’t need it.