How to Give and Receive 5-Star Referrals

The decision to refer usually happens in a moment. The decision to not refer happens just as quickly. But there is an internal process that usually goes undetected leading up to that moment.

Why do you refer?

Think about the last time you gave a referral. Why did you make the referral? Most likely, you made the referral because you knew, liked and trusted the person or company you referred. You probably didn’t stop to ask yourself if you knew, liked and trusted the person or company you referred.  You just referred them.  There was simply nothing that stopped you from referring them. You were comfortable making the referral.

Why do people refer you?

When others are making referrals for products and/or services that you provide do they think of you? And do they comfortably refer you? Referring someone risks your reputation. When you receive a referral, the person who referred you did so because they knew you, trusted you, and liked you enough.  They referred you because they trusted you enough to enhance their reputation rather than tarnish it.

Do you get 5-Star Reviews?

More and more, when making a buying decision, people go to the internet for reviews. These reviews are represented with 1 to 5 stars. A 5-star review is a great testimonial about the quality of the experience that the reviewer had with the person or business they dealt with. Lower reviews can do a great deal of damage to the reputation and success of the business. Your good reputation opens doors and seals deals.

We all judge.

When we interact with people, we are judging and being judged. Judgments are not the truth. They are the interpretations, assumptions and decisions that we make about one another. Although judgments are only opinions, they form the basis for our choices about who to do business with and who we can rely on to enhance our reputations when we refer them. Your judgments determine how you feel about someone. These judgments and feelings inform your choices and your actions.

What reputation do you have?

People form their opinions about you based on the experiences they have with you. Or they decide what is true about you based on what others say about their experiences with you. If those experiences were not positive; if the person who was having the experience with you felt at all disempowered or disappointed, your reputation has been tarnished. This hurts your chances for repeat business. And this kills your chances of being referred.

Receiving a referral is validation that the experience the referring person had with you was good enough to trust you with their reputation. What you do with that referral will either enhance your hard-earned reputation or hurt it.

Increase your referrals.

The best way to get referred is by providing a 5-Star Experience to everyone you interact with.  And since we attract people with similar interests and values, providing 5-Star Experiences will attract other 5-Star Experience Providers for you to send referrals to. Imagine the clients you and your referral partners will attract once you are known for providing 5-Star Experiences!

Your judgments guide your decision to refer. Judgments are thoughts. Your thoughts impact how you feel. Your feelings are your body’s way of condensing all your judgments into instant feedback.  Think again of the last time you gave a referral. Wasn’t the basis for your choice your feelings about the person or the business?

Become a 5-Star Experience Provider.

To attract more quality referrals, become a 5-Star Experience Provider.  To do so, you must discover what people think of you and your business. But first let’s start by judging others.

The Referral Review Rating Exercise

The following are common filters used to judge one another in business. Use these filters to rate the last person you gave a referral to.

Is trustworthy ________ Stars

Listens to the client ________ Stars

Has the same values as I do ________ Stars

Honors time commitments ________ Stars

Is knowledgeable in their area of expertise ________ Stars

Is honest about what they can and cannot do ________ Stars

Communicates clearly, honestly and accurately ________ Stars

Keeps promises and commitments ________ Stars

Sets realistic expectations ________ Stars

Treats me and clients with respect ________ Stars

OVERALL REVIEW ________ Stars

To become more aware of what you are looking for in a referral partner, repeat the Referral Review Exercise each time you refer someone.

Now ask others to rate you. This will give you valuable information you can use to improve your chances of being referred by becoming a 5-Start Experience Provider.

 

What are you settling for?

 For most of us, there is a big gap between what we really want in life and what we are settling for. Why do we do this? What kind of breakthrough would help you begin living the life that you really want?

Think of thoughts as the tip of the iceberg – the part that you can see. Think of beliefs as the rest of the iceberg below the surface of the water. What we believe could be thought of as our “best guess” to explain what has happened so that we know what to expect in life. That’s what beliefs are for. Beliefs to explain what is happening and to predict what is going to happen so that we can survive. But sometimes our best guess isn’t accurate.

The thoughts that we think; those that we can be easily aware of, come from our beliefs. Without external influence or conscious, intentional inquiry, we only think thoughts that support what we already believe to be true.

So, without intervention, we will just float in the same patterns that we have been repeating since the birth of our beliefs, usually before we were 10 years old. Scary! Without conscious effort, we are automatically following our mental habits.

Personal Development Coaching is not about getting better at getting by. We’ve all got survival figured out. In fact, the very habits that make it easy for us to handle just about anything that comes our way are the habits that prevent us from achieving success when taking on anything new and challenging.

So I help my clients to get very clear about what they want in life. Then I help them design goals, projects and plans to create that life. The thoughts that would usually stop my clients get challenged and removed. By shifting to an empowered mindset, my clients can then powerfully achieve lasting success.

Group members benefit from powerful support that helps them stay focused on what they want to create in their lives, careers and businesses.

What do you want for yourself and for your life?  Are you ready to create it?

The Wack-A-Mole Life

 Life can often feel like the arcade game, Whack-a-Mole. A problem shows up, we whack it and then wait for the next one to show up so we can whack it before the next one shows up so we can… whack it!

This is a game that cannot be won. But it’s the game most of us play most of the time. We read books to learn new whacking strategies. We try various methods of mole extermination. We join self-help groups to support one another around our mole problems. And when a friend shows up with a mole problem, we give them advice on how to whack the problem.

Sure, it’s fun. But there is another game to play. Most “problems” are results that we have created with our beliefs, thoughts, judgments, and interpretations. A circumstance or result is problematic when it is not the result that we want or when the circumstance causes us to suffer or to feel uncomfortable or unhappy.

By working to expose and shift those beliefs, thoughts, judgments, and interpretations, problems can become opportunities to transform our experience of life. The good news is that we create most of our own problems. This is good news because we don’t have much control over anything outside of ourselves. If it’s true that others create our problems, life is an endless Whack-a-Mole game. And if we only know how to deal with, compensate for and solve problems, we only have value if we have problems to solve.

For example, if you have experienced failure in relationships all of your life, you know how to deal with failed relationships. You know what to do about it. How to avoid it. How to overcome it, how to compensate for it, how to hide from it, how to deal with the logic, understanding, justification, excuses, and reasons for failing. If there were a “relationship failure” toolbox, you would be a certified Failed Relationship Expert. Hows that for a new designation? You would be very familiar with every tool in that toolbox. You will have become very identified with failure. With all of these tools, you need to experience failure to feel competent. Without failure, you are bored. All tooled up without a project.

If you have failed a lot, you may not know what to do with success. If you are challenged with the possibility of success you might go to your toolbox and notice that there are no success tools in there. You haven’t ever needed them. Even if you had some success tools in the box, you wouldn’t know how to use them. So you pick up one of the tools that you know how to use and turn that success around, putting you right back on track with what you know how to do.

This is why it is so hard to change, to pull out of the rut. Finding and creating problems to solve is just a habit and habits can be changed. If you are committed to your own success, find a mentor or a coach. Become an apprentice in the endeavor you wish to succeed in. Become teachable, coachable. This will require letting go of those trusty old tools that have gotten you this far but no further.

What is the value of a reliable and loyal referral source?

Think about why you would give a referral to someone. Let’s face it. Giving a referral to a product or service provider puts your reputation on the line. So, unless you have had a great experience with the product, the service or the provider, you’re not likely to give a referral.

But giving quality referrals increases your value in the eyes of your prospective clients and network. Giving quality referrals can benefit you because it benefits the people you know.

Almost everyone enjoys helping others. Finding a great product or service and telling everyone about it feels great! People who had a great experience with you might refer you to others. People who had an OK experience with you might refer you to others. It’s not likely that anyone else will. Let’s assume that you know how to provide a good to great experience for your clients.

Here are 8 practices that will increase your odds of getting a referral from your past and present clients.

1.     Be a Trusted Guide

At the beginning of a new business relationship, set realistic expectations. Fear of losing the business may tempt you to only tell the prospect what they want to hear. If you are afraid that your prospect will go somewhere else for their business, you may not want them to know all that they can expect to happen when going through the process of doing business with you. I recommend giving your clients a timeline of expected events that will mark the progress of the process from start to finish. And if you can expect there to be challenges along the way, be sure to tell them up front. Let them know that they can rely on you to know what’s going on and to guide them through any challenging circumstances. Then step up and keep that promise. If and when things start going south, find a solution, tell them the truth and be their trusted guide.

2.     Say Please

Tell them that you want them to refer you to people they know and tell them often. There are high points and low points in every transaction. Watch for the high points. Identify several “good news” opportunities to ask for a referral.  For example, in mortgage lending those opportunities show up when…

• the loan is approved,
• they find the house and make an offer,
• you lock in a great rate,
• you save them some money on their fees,
• the offer is accepted,
• home inspection requests are successfully negotiated
• the appraisal comes in at or above value,
• there is a problem and you are working with the whole team to solve it,
• the underwriter approves the loan,
• loan documents are sent to the closer,
• the loan funds,
• they get their keys.

Our clients LOVE to hear good news and that is the time to ask for referrals. When they feel good about how things are going, ask them who else they know who could use your help.

3.     Tell the Truth

When things aren’t going so well, tell the truth and use the challenging times to offer reassurance, demonstrating your professionalism and expertise. Don’t let your fear talk you into spinning your story to make them feel better. If they don’t trust you they won’t refer you to others.  By demonstrating that you will tell them the truth even if it’s bad news, you build trust.  And you earn credibility by then working hard to solve the problem.

The hardest time to tell the truth is when you make a mistake. You are human. It’s going to happen. But mistakes and failures are events, they are not who you are. Take responsibility when you make a mistake by admitting it, repairing any damage you have done and giving your client a chance to express any emotions they may have about it. By allowing everyone to fully express their reactions to what has happened, you keep the communication lines open so that everyone knows that it is safe to say all there is to say. It clears the air and sets everyone up for a successful experience.

Hiding a mistake or fabricating a story to shift responsibility will almost always come back to bite you. At the very least, this will increase your levels of stress and anxiety (which is the opposite of what you wanted to do when you hid the mistake or made up a story to shift responsibility). Otherwise, the customer and other team members will sense your stress and anxiety and make up their own stories to explain your energy shift. This destroys trust and confidence.

4.     Brag Humbly

Turn problems into referral opportunities. Be sure they know what a great job you are doing for them. They may have no idea how hard it is to deliver your product or service as promised. Momma said you should never brag. I don’t want to argue with momma (because momma also said you should never argue with her). But momma probably wasn’t trying to get referrals.

If clients and referral sources don’t know what you did for them, they can’t appreciate you. To humbly brag, when problems and challenges arise, tell them what happened, why it was a problem, and what you are doing or what you did to solve the problem. This is not the time to blame others. Be matter of fact and professional as you reassure them that you are doing what can be done and working to resolve each challenge as it comes up. When the problem is solved, when you have found an innovative, creative or persistent approach that solves the problem, tell them how you did it and celebrate with them. This would be a good time to ask for a referral.

5.     Communicate

Communicate, communicate. And communicate some more. If the process takes a while to complete, call your client at least once a week with updates on progress (even if there is no progress) and what to expect next based on real and factual information.  This reduces stress for everyone and removes opportunities for assumptions and mistakes. Call and update everyone involved any time something significant happens in the process.

6.     Own and Manage Your Stuff

Manage your emotions responsibly. This means taking responsibility for how you feel. It means authentically being who your clients, team members and referral sources need you to be. Get some coaching to manage your “being”. Find a process that works for you to reduce your own stress. Take good care of yourself so that you can take good care of your clients and referral sources.

7.     Be Grateful

During the transaction and after, show your gratitude. Show the referring party, the client, team members and all others who helped to complete the transaction how much you appreciate them with a handwritten thank you card or a telephone call. When you recognize that your client or a team member has stepped up and helped you, acknowledge and thank them.

8.     BFF

Okay. You’re probably not going to be their best friend. But you might be. No matter how great you were for your clients, they will forget about you if you don’t stay in front of them. Block time on your calendar to stay in touch with your previous clients, your referral partners and your top prospects.  Don’t let anyone forget that you did a great job for them and want to help others. Use a good CRM (Customer Relationship Manager) to help remember to connect on a regular basis. Consider sending out a monthly newsletter, birthday cards, and anniversary of sale or purchase cards.

 

What’s In It For Your Client

 

What is the value of a reliable and loyal referral source?

When receiving a warm referral, you have an overwhelming advantage over the competition. Unless a business already has a sufficient demand for their services, it is crucial to develop relationships with others who refer new clients.

It’s good to have product knowledge, to be organized and to have competitive prices. It really helps to have just what your client is looking for. Having a team and company behind you to deliver your product or services smoothly and on time is a must.  However, none of this is as important as the company’s ability to connect and relate with their prospects and clients.

When there isn’t enough business, fear can set in.  If you are struggling to maintain business growth,  look no further than the mirror to turn things around.

I have found that others are happy to help me when they know that I care about them. This may sound obvious. But unless a person who has the potential to refer you knows that you care about them personally, they aren’t likely to do any business with you or to send you any business.

“People don’t care about what you want unless they know that you care about what they want.” Sarah Rushton

Sarah Rushton works in the home health care industry as an agency owner and consultant. Without a steady flow of quality referrals, home health care agencies fail. But her agencies succeed. As a consultant, she has been able to help agencies with horrendous reputations and track records to rise from the ashes to become leaders in the marketplace. How does she do it?

Sarah trains her sales staff to become relationship builders first so that they can become problem solvers and business partners with these potential referral sources later. She teaches her sales force to be patient with results while being relentless with their efforts to build relationships.

Be patient with results while being relentless with your efforts to build relationships.

In the first several contacts with a targeted referral source, the sales person engages only in discovery. Their mission is to discover all there is to know about the business and its people. Her sales professionals develop the ability to put the spotlight on the prospective referring business and the people in that business. Their mission is to discover what it is that the business is trying to accomplish, the challenges that are getting in the way, and what problems the owners and employees face.

What if you were to do the same? By shifting your focus from trying to convince others to help you by sending you referrals or to do business with you, what if you became interested in what they wanted? Rather than selling the prospect on why they should work with you, what would happen if you focused entirely on getting to know them and the challenges they face? What if you became interested in helping them to solve their problems?

The traditional sales approach assumes to know what the client and referral partners want from you and your business. Are you just like your competition?  Neither are your prospective clients and referral sources the same. As strategies go, this one will definitely set you apart.

What would happen if you set out to discover opportunities to serve your clients and referral sources and did so with integrity and sincerity?  By focusing on building relationships in this way, your interest in them would soon pay dividends.

Would you like to brainstorm and create a personal plan for marketing your business using some of these ideas? I enjoy helping entrepreneurs, leaders and emerging leaders to shift their mindset from frustrated and disempowered to inspired and empowered. Please contact me to see if coaching together is a good fit.

The G.I.F.T. of Feedback

 

Giving feedback can feel vulnerable. It takes courage to offer feedback.

Receiving feedback can also feel vulnerable. If, when you are receiving feedback you feel threatened, you may be more concerned with surviving the feedback than with hearing exactly what is being said.

To minimize your perception of threat or criticism when receiving feedback, follow the G.I.F.T. model when receiving feedback.

G.I.F.T.

Gracious Gratitude for the Gift. See the feedback as a Gift and Graciously receive it with Gratitude.  Appreciate and acknowledge the courage it took for the feedback provider to bring it to you.

What is the gift in this feedback?

What do I appreciate about this feedback?

What do I appreciate about the person who brought me the feedback?

Inquire to learn more about what the feedback provider sees and how you can improve.  Listen and learn from curiosity.

What questions do I have about the feedback?

How can I ask from curiosity and humility?

What can I learn about myself, my processes, my attitude, my team?

Find it and Follow up. Find what the feedback provider is bringing you.   Use the feedback to discover more about how you are perceived and how you can improve.  Then Follow up with the provider of the feedback after you have had time to implement change to see if they have noticed improvement.

How is this feedback accurate?

How could the feedback provider have perceived what they saw?

Set a reminder to follow up after making changes.

Thank and Think. Thank the person who brought you the feedback.  Think about the ways that you can improve.

What is one way I can improve?  What is one thing I can change?

Ask the provider for feedback on your ideas about how to improve.

How can you best express your authentic appreciation?

The other side of receiving feedback artfully is giving feedback that people appreciate.  Read more about how to give great feedback in my blog post,  5 Rs to Remember When Giving Feedback.

5 Rs to Remember When Giving Feedback

When it comes to giving feedback, you probably fall into one of three categories:

1. You have a lot of great advice for others but nobody seems interested in it.
2. The thought of offering feedback is so terrifying that you might just fall to your death before asking someone to adjust their handhold.
3. You give feedback in appropriate portions but doubt and second-guess yourself.

Let’s face it. Offering feedback can be risky business. To reduce the risk and increase your effectiveness, follow the Five Rs for giving feedback.

The ability to deliver helpful and needed feedback is an art.  Without feedback businesses cannot effectively serve their clients well or achieve the goals of the business.

 When giving feedback, follow the 5 Rs.

1. Relevant. Before giving feedback, know how your feedback relates to the objectives that you and your team members are trying to achieve and how it relates to the core values.

2. Respectful. Before giving feedback, check yourself.  What is motivating your feedback?  Is it about you or about business objectives and goal achievement?  Clear your emotions first and deliver your feedback in a way that you would want to receive it.

3. Researched. Know the facts.   Do not overstate or minimize your case when giving feedback.  Do the research first so you can state the facts accurately and relate them to the objective that this feedback is designed to help accomplish.

4. Reinforce. When giving feedback, reinforce your positive intentions and your confidence in the recipient of your feedback.  Offer the feedback with clear and specific details about what you noticed, what you suggest and what you request.  If your feedback is accepted, offer to support the change.

5. Resolution. Feedback without a solution is just a complaint and can be easily perceived as criticism.  Be prepared to collaborate with your teammate to find a solution.

The other side of giving feedback artfully is receiving it gracefully.  Read more about how to see feedback as a gift in my blog post, The G.I.F.T. of Feedback.