Shed the Shoulds

As a mindset coach, I listen for language which provides the clues about what drives a person or what impedes them.  For those of us who are building and running businesses, there is nothing more important than the mindset behind our language.

Our language reflects our values, our fears, and the rules we have made for ourselves.  For example, I had a conversation this morning with a client who told me that she was frustrated and wanted to figure out how to get business without having to make herself do what she doesn’t want to do. 

I asked her what she has done in the past to get business.  She listed, among other activities, networking.  I asked her how much business she got from networking.  Her answer was “none."

"How much time," I asked "do you spend networking?"   "Three hours per week."

I asked, “Do you enjoy networking?” 

She answered, “No, but if I want to build my business I should network.”

“Did you hear yourself just now?” I asked.  Silence.  Then she answered, “Ya. I don’t get any business from networking but because I think I should network, I spend three hours a week networking.  I don’t enjoy it but I drag my body to these events, survive them for an hour or so and go home feeling like sh*#.”

“What would you like to spend those three hours doing instead every week?” 

“Anything.  I’d be spending time with my son and my husband.  I would be finishing that online course I started.”

After about 20 minutes, as I took notes, she listed several things she has enjoyed doing in the past that have worked and a few ideas that she hasn’t had time to implement.  We went over the list and I asked her what she would do over the next 30 days with each item.  When we were finished, she was energized and enthused.“So why am I spending all of this time networking?”

“Because you believed someone when they told you that to build a business you have to network.  The facts don’t happen to agree in your case.”

“What if I stopped spending these three hours a week networking and started doing things I haven’t had time for but would enjoy doing to build my business?”

I listen for words like should and shouldn’t, can’t, have to and need to, to help my clients shift their mindset from their disempowering rules, beliefs and fears to empowering values and truths.

Listen to your own language.  What disempowering language do you use that reflects beliefs and fears that are preventing you from getting the results you want?  

What could happen if you Shed the Shoulds?