Life Happens For Me

Life Happens For Me

Decisions.  We all make them – lots of them- every day. 

Some are minor and appear to be inconsequential.  Coffee?  No Coffee?  What to wear?  Can I do one more thing before I leave?  Is it okey to be late for this appointment?  Should I return that call? 

Other decisions seem more important.  Ask her to marry me?   Lie or tell the truth?  Should I take that job?  Should I quit?  Sell the house?  Go to college?  Start a business?

Consider that many of these decisions, maybe even most of them are made automatically.  What determines the difference between the decision I make in a situation and the decision you would make in the same situation has a lot to do with how we each view life.

While this is a complex concept, let’s keep it really simple.  Life’s experience has shown me that there are three lenses through which we might view life.  We all have a dominant default lens but we periodically switch and temporarily view life through either of the other two perspectives.

I label these lenses or paradigms,

1.       Life happens BECAUSE of me.

2.       Life happens TO me.

3.       Life happens FOR me.

Life Happens BECAUSE of Me

Life viewed through this lens looks like something to control.  If I view life through this paradigm, I work hard, I use strategies and tactics and try to dominate others and situations.   People are pawns to be moved around on the game board and tools to leverage for power and results.  I am the center of the universe.  I am manipulative, domineering and driven.  The cost of living from this view is friendship, connection, closeness and intimacy.  I may often enjoy material success and financial gain, but have inner turmoil and rarely experience real contentment or satisfaction.   Believing that life happens because of me limits the possibilities in life to whatever I can force to happen.

Life Happens To Me

This view is that of a victim.  Through this lens I live life powerlessly.  Life appears to be a game of chance subject to superstition and luck.  When things go wrong as I expect them to, I blame others.  When things go right, I feel lucky and brace myself for the let down to avoid feeling disappointed.   I feel out of control and believe I have no say in what happens.  I am scared and paranoid and organize my life in such a way as to be safe.  I am cautious and careful.  I don’t trust anyone.  I limit my risks but life cannot get small enough to feel safe from this perspective.  The price I pay for this paradigm is peace, comfort, a sense of power or well-being.  I feel hopeless, resentful and afraid.  Believing life happens to me eliminates any possibility for a fulfilled and happy life. 

Life Happens For Me

From this perspective life looks like a series of opportunities and fun mysteries.   Everything that happens is welcomed and embraced.  If I believe that life happens for me I’m like a kid in a candy store, enjoying life as it presents one big adventure after another.  There is only benefit to this perspective.  Others either find me attractive, seeing me as charismatic and vivacious, or they see me as naive and unaware of reality and the dangers that lurk in life.  What is possible from this perspective is anything.   Even my wildest dreams.

So what prevents us from the view, Life Happens For Me? 

We live with fears that we made up along the way at some point.   These fears are the natural result of believing thoughts that simply are not true.  Most of our programming is complete by the time we are 7 or 8 years old.   By then most of us have decided that there must be something wrong with us because we just don’t match up to the perfect ideal that the world calls normal.  We think that what we fear is real; that our fears are the truth. 

We live life as if these and other fears are real: “I’m not good enough, smart enough, tall enough, short enough, cute enough, funny enough, tough enough, something is wrong with me, I am alone, it’s all up to me, I can’t trust anyone, I’m a fraud, I’m going to fail, I will be rejected…”  The list is endless.

How do you transform these fears so that you can live life from the perspective, Life Happens For Me?

Here are Seven disciplines to live by which will help you realize that Life actually does Happen For You.

1.       Heal the past when the past shows up as unhealed.  You may have to develop the ability to spot the unhealed past which shows up as emotional upset, repeated patterns of struggle and disappointment, stuckness, co-dependent stickiness, physical illness, exhaustion, irritation, periods of depression, uncontrolled periods of anger or sadness.   And you will certainly have to be humble enough and committed enough to your transformation to seek help when the unhealed past shows up.  The unhealed mind identifies with itself and is confused.  It has no interest in healing the past.  It is too busy trying to survive.

2.       Expose the false fears.  Most of your fears are false.   You will find these fears at the bottom of practically every problem you experience.   Look for them there and when you find them, expose them to reality and they will shrink and die.

3.       Recognize who you really are.  Our fears have us believing that we are broken and unlovable.  Realize (make it real) that you are one of God’s kids, or a child of the Universe if you prefer.  You landed on this planet as whole, perfect, complete and amazing!

4.       Create a compelling and inspired vision for the life that you would be living if you knew you were whole, perfect, complete and amazing.  Commit that vision to paper and review it often.

5.       Live life now powerfully into that vision.   What actions would someone who will be living that vision take now?  Take those actions, make a plan, set goals and be flexible.  Life might just show you a new vision and a new plan along the way.

6.       Trust Life.  Start looking for evidence that life is serving you.  Keep a miracles journal.  Look for at least one example every day that Life Happens For You. 

7.       Serve Others.  If Life Happens For You, that means that life is serving you.  To get into the flow of life, serve others.  Build a powerful current of service and enjoy the ride!